


Lover On A Leash

by hannahuwu



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: If you blink you'll miss Seonghwa, M/M, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:28:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23493919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahuwu/pseuds/hannahuwu
Summary: Yunho is willing to everything for Hongjoong. Hongjoong knows.
Relationships: Jeong Yunho & Kim Hongjoong, Jeong Yunho/Kim Hongjoong
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Lover On A Leash

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Erierio_o](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erierio_o/gifts), [TBG_4ever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TBG_4ever/gifts).



“Hyung?” Yunho tried to press for an answer as Hongjoong stumbled through the door, grinning up at him before he pulled the taller man down, teeth nipping at his lower lip.  _ He was drunk. He was always drunk,  _ Yunho corrected himself. 

“Yunho, Yunho,“ Hongjoong breathed out, arms shaking as they gripped his shoulders. His breath hitched in his throat, heart thrumming against his chest. 

“Hyung-“ he tried again, peeling off the smaller man from his arms. He didn’t want to. It was the last thing he wanted, but by god, he had to try. He didn’t want to hear it. 

“What will it take for you to let me love you tonight, Yunho?” Hongjoong pulled back, frowning slightly,  _ pouting _ . How was he going to say no? 

“Lie to me, hyung.” He whispered. Hongjoong smiled.  _ He wouldn’t get it.  _ He would never understand how much these moments wounded him, like a permanent cut. Hongjoong only came by every other week. 

“I love you, Yunho. So, so much. Hyung loves you more than anyone, Yunho. I’ve always loved you. Won’t you let me stay?” His heart bled.  _ No,  _ he wanted to say. 

“ _I_ _love_ _you_ , _Yunho_.” He repeated, peppering soft kisses all over the younger’s face, giggling occasionally _. It hurt_. It hurt so much _he couldn’t breathe. Hard to breathe when you’re bleeding,_ he supposed. Hongjoong’s words were like a rope tied around his neck in a constant noose. He’d only need to hoist it up a bit higher before Yunho would go limp, giving in to anything his hyung wanted. Hongjoong had passed out by the time he let a stray tear fall, one hand covering his mouth to stifle the sounds coming from inside. He ran a hand through Hongjoong’s white bangs, the smaller man’s head leaning on his chest as he sat in his lap, Yunho’s back against the main door. 

_ “It can’t be like this, hyung,” _ he whispered, stray tears falling. 

“Next week you’ll come back, and you’ll tell me you _ don’t love me anymore. _ ” It was a line that Yunho had grown accustomed to, his hyung’s frank confessions that stabbed him more than he liked. Five words that were so common to his feelings, yet so  _ painful _ . 

He couldn’t live like this. Yunho didn’t want to be the kiss that Hongjoong didn’t need, only craved for once he was bored of a new companion- each one more attractive than before, obviously more attractive than Yunho. Hongjoong introduced them all to him even if he refused to know. He should have been numbed by now, each introduction a brutal force hurled at him, his heart bruised black and blue. Then he’d return to Yunho’s arms, declaring he had only loved one man, kissing away all the marks of pain that were slowly killing the younger. 

Hongjoong  _ had _ to know what he was doing to Yunho every time he came back. It was impossible that he didn’t.  _ He had, after all,  _ broken down once as he woke up to Hongjoong leaving the bed. 

_ “If you’re going to leave, hyung, do it fast. I can’t live another minute bleeding from my back like this. I don’t have another heart for you to stab, and I don’t want to break on this one.”  _ He had miserably wept as Hongjoong brushed his small and soft fingers against the sides of his face, clasping him in a protective hold. As soon as Yunho fell asleep, he walked out. A small sticky note left on the coffee table, a messy  _ ‘thanks’ _ all that was left of him. 

Yunho saw him looking brand new the very next day as if nothing had ever happened. A tall man with sleek raven hair held his hyung’s waist as if his arm belonged there,  _ protectively _ , clinging with an iron grip. He understood the feeling well. If it were up to him, he would do the same. Hongjoong glowed with an aura that screamed  _ ‘love me’.  _ He was a walking death trap, collecting an ever-growing jar of hearts. He looked happy at that moment. Yunho had been across the street as he saw them, pulling his phone out to call Hongjoong.  _ Would he pick up? _ The shorter man had briefly stopped talking to his date (he gritted his teeth at the memory) to slide his hand in the tight-fitting shorts that hugged his figure so well, glancing at the flashing screen. Then he turned to look  _ right at Yunho _ and  _ winked _ . 

He didn’t look twice.

There was a time when it was  _ only Yunho, _ he recalls, when Hongjoong made sure they were always aboard the same plane when they had to travel. The stewardesses probably hated them with how loud they were in a plane, seated next to each other. Way back when they were just foolish teenagers who had no idea what ‘forever’ meant, or that promises were meant to be broken. Summer right after high school, when they’d push against each other in Hongjoong’s beaten-up Mustang over the blaring radio, making out between nervous giggling and sips of cheap imported beer. They had sworn themselves to each other in the sketchy tattoo parlour on Yunho’s 18th birthday, matching tattoos on their wrists. A small ‘H’ in cursive on Yunho’s thick arm, and a ‘Y’ on Hongjoong’s contrasting slender one. Up until that point, neither of them had gone any further than exchanging kisses or roaming the other’s body with their hands.  _ Nothing more, _ until Hongjoong brought it up before they would move out to the same university.

They had it all planned out, like a perfect map. 

So on one specific night, after they had ripped open their acceptance letters, they stole the liquor bottles Hongjoong’s parents had stashed away in a secret compartment behind the bookshelves and climbed up to sit on the roof. Yunho could play it out like it was yesterday, as he picked Hongjoong up and held him close on the soft expanse of the bed, breaths steadying together as they mixed scents. All the little sounds Hongjoong let out, every gasp and soft noises he exhaled, Yunho never wanted for anyone else to hear.  _ They were his, his, only his. His Hongjoong-hyung. His Hongjoong. _

_ Fuck _ .

Now he just wished they never met. 

While he was alone, fighting back endless turmoils by himself, trying to fix the mess that had been left behind, Hongjoong was probably in another man’s arms. In bed. Probably getting marked by people who weren’t him.

And yet, Yunho, aware that Hongjoong  _ did not, could not  _ possibly love him, without fail would ask said man to lie to his face. To pretend each time. 

“Yunho?” Yunho inhaled sharply as the smaller man shifted in his lap, eyes meeting his, noticing the wet streaks on his face.

“Sorry, hyung. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“Were you crying because of me?”

“Maybe, hyung.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

_ Yes _ . His brain screamed.  _ Yes, yes, leave, please leave, don’t come back. Stop making it so hard for me.  _

_ “No,”  _ he choked out.

“Do you need me here?” Hongjoong had replied, hands intertwined with his as he usually did in an attempt to console him. 

“I need you more than I need  _ myself _ ,” he laughed, emotionless. Hongjoong looked away. 

He knew. 

He knew Yunho needed him like the air he breathed. Because Yunho was there. Yunho was willing to be his lover on a leash, every other week that he pleased. Yunho was ready to be the kiss he didn’t need, the lie between his teeth that he let out so quickly. 

Yunho was willing to live with a cut that always bleeds, so Hongjoong was willing to lie. 

_ ”I love you, Yunho.” _

**Author's Note:**

> beta read by @chikoo (go check out her fics I love her) <3


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